no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
