No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
