wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Found your dick twin last night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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