A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
