One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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