can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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