it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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