It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is wine microwaveable?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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