Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.

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(516): View more from New York

I understand why you refuse to be sober now

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(778): View more from British Columbia

we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever

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(512): View more from Texas

and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through

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(302): View more from Delaware

because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.

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(716): View more from New York

Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed

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(530): View more from California

I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage

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(516): View more from New York

should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?

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