between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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