my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
