why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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