I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
