i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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