She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
