I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
