theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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