I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.