Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day