look no pants
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
