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if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
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