they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
