I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
