we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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