Whod you bang
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
