Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
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She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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