I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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