i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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