What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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