I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
