wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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