I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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