I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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