how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
