He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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