Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
