How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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