I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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