words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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