You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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