just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
