If that was your dad, he is hot
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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