I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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