i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
