So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Operation Purity has been aborted
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The air was thick with penises
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
