You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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