he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
