i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
