I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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