i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
