I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
