no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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