Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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