i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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