yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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