Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i would punch a child for taco bell
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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