I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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