Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I look better un-naked...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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