my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Randomize