hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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