FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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