You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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