**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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