Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
being pregnant is like rehab
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
