Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
