She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
